I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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