I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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