He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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