I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
