Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
