fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
