I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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