I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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