Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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