I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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