Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Found your dick twin last night
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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