I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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