those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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