I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
