I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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