I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
