sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
