She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
