Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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