Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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