I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
