she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
