How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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