I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So vagazzling was a success
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
