You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
