he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
