Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Im part way to drunk.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
