i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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