i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
