Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
