She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
