I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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