Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
