CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
