we're blogging at a bar
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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