You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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