Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
