I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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