Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
