I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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