even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You smell like stripper and shame
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
