He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
