Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
