so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize