dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
