mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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