I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize