I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
