3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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