I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
