My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
