so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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