if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
