his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
