u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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