my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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