I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
