I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
