Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
