You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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