oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize