Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
