So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
