were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
