My boss' voice literally gives me gas
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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