ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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