got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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