do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Small penises have feelings too.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
