ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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